Nostalgia and the Generically Pioneerish.

I'm sitting in my dorm room right now, wallowing in the fact that I have already failed a resolution. I have New Testament right now, but I completely forgot about it until 5 minutes ago, sitting in my dorm room. I guess it's not really a failure of commitment, because I love that class. But it is a failure of awareness. How did I just COMPLETELY forget that I had class? I was talking to Logan as I walked out of History and I guess that I veered off course to keep the conversation going because I was so into talking about the last class (which I will detail in a moment). Ugh I just feel so stupid.

So please allow me to take this time to make myself feel better. Feel free to skip ahead: I am the daughter of a loving God who doesn't care if I missed one class. I am taking 18 credits this semester, so it's natural to get a little frazzled. It doesn't mean I am stupid or worthless. It doesn't mean I cannot succeed. My attendance at one Bible class will not be of any consequence in the long run. I can get the notes from someone else. I can read my Bible right now. It WILL be ok.

Alright, on to the real reason I am sitting down and writing. Intro to History with Dr. Green. It is slowly changing my life. Today we were continuing a discussion on "social memory" and Presentism. The second distortion of social memory is nostalgia. We spent the entire class discussing the phenomenon of longing for the past and remembering it in romanticized ways. Nostalgia sees history primarily as a narrative of decline from "the good old days." Dr. Green asked us to jot down where and when we would want to go back to. I said I'd want to have traveled the Oregon Trail and have made it to a homestead with a cattle raising husband. He asked for an exact year and I couldn't give him one so he called it the nostalgia for all things "generically pioneerish." and I'd say he hit that nail on the head. Other people longed for the places of their youth, or their parents' and grandparents' hometown. I didn't even think of anything in my family at first. However, now I do. I long for the time of my Grammy, a dietition in the US Air Force where she met my Pop-Pop, a bomber pilot in WW2. I long for Washington and wish that I could have been 19 there with better understanding and freedom. I'd go back to the Olympian fountain, camp at Ocean Shores, visit Pike Place Market, have lunch with a friend in the Space Needle, so much more.
Talking about Nostalgia made me see how close the past really is. "Memories are fragile possessions." Dr Green read. It scares me and excited me all at once. I want to remember as I get older. But, then moments like the one I had before writing this, where important things slip my mind, scare everything out of me. I feel like I am getting closer to the possibility of Alzheimer's like my Grandma. Is it going to trickle down and skip a generation? What will I do? And then, the echo in my head of "Am I memorable?