I can't

People shouldn't say those words. But in a profound sense they are true of everyone. I can't cry tonight despite the fact that tears are welling up in my eyes. I can't get over how he put me out and doesn't even ask about me. I can't hide my bitterness. I can't fake being okay anymore. I can't believe that my friends are hurting and I have no way of getting to them. I want to fall in love so much that it's killing me despite the common sense of waiting for God. I want to be noticed for myself and not for my grade point average.
I have a history assignment this week to write an essay (sort of a practice on writing) on why I am the greatest human being ever to have lived. I just don't have that kind of vanity in my heart to even try.
What is it about intelligent beautiful people that is so intimidating?
Why doesn't it rain like it used to in Washington?
How can you just live without thinking about your actions and their affects on others.
If you need to hear it tonight, know that I love you. Because people should hear that more often and not think of it as just an inadequate response to a friend. It's true.
Lately I am so scared. My grandmother's alzheimer's is getting worse and I am afraid that I am going to develop it too when I get to be her age. I still think about being in an accident everytime I get into a car. Would they visit? I doubt it.

"never knew love was a fad
you fooled me bad
wish you were easy to hate
but i'm stuck in the middle for now
wondering how
i entertain this debate
and i'd like to get over
i'd like to get over you"

Expiration Date by Pomplamoose

Here's a quick anecdote about how people never cease to amaze me:
My mom and I were in the check-out line at Walmart tonight buying some canned meat. Yes, canned meat. Don't bash it until you have tried my momma's chipped beef gravy. Anyway, this really nerdy register guy with a nasally voice persisted to hassle us. Out of all our other items on the counter he picks up and examines the meat. He proceeds to look back and forth from it to my mom. Then exclaims, "This looks like something that belongs in a science lab!" Well, ok, haha you're not funny but thanks for trying. What really aggravates me is that he continued. "Like I don't know maybe a worm intestine or something. In fact I think my biology teacher had something like this in cabinet....only she called it a squid." *cricket cricket* Yes thank you Mark the Walmart boy for examining our food, commenting on how you find it repulsive, and not ceasing to hold back your word vomit. Since when has it ever been ok to talk about other people's food? That's just common etiquette. And Mark, for the record, Ethiopians hate you for talking about food as if it was disposable. I'm gonna eat my canned meat and enjoy it thank you very much. And yes my family did just process a deer in our garage last night, want to criticize that? haha rant over...
As of right now I have 1,657/50,000 words of my novel for NaNoWriMo written. Still going strong. I may post excerpts as I go along.