Hi, it's been a while. Well more than a while. But ok you knew that. How does this work again? I spew letters and they somehow form words and fall into subject predicate sentence alignment all on their own, right? Ready, go. and nothing. There's so much in my head right now that I need to get out, want to get out, can't figure out. This summer was life changing. Working at Donegal helped me a lot with my independence issues, my self-confidence and my faith. Having people that love and care about me as co-workers doesn't make counseling seem like a job. And I bawled for days after I left. I don't want to be nostalgic and whiny, but (the sole word that contradicts the first half of sentences) I can't seem to find the jumping off point from the high that was Camp for 8+ weeks. Almost everyone left to experience college, and I came back to sitting at home, fretting over senior AP work. Laura was right when she said that it sucks for me because they all have newness and adventure to seek when they leave, and I go back to limbo. That made things seem real. I promised myself that last winter will NOT repeat itself, I will not fall into depression and I will stay motivated. Well that drive has lasted all of a week and now all I do is complain about the 2 1/2 books still sitting by my bed to be read before Tuesday and how much I am dreading Senior year.
Everyone has said to embrace this year. But really besides having the freedom a car allows, what is there to look forward to? I have at least 3 classes or more with the one person I've ever met that can make me physically sick and scared. I have the responsibility of keeping 500+ cadets "squared away" and making sure Ben knows what is going on. So far I have already begun to over commit myself. I AM doing worship team if it kills me, and I plan on going to see Relient K at Messiah as well if my mom ever lets me know whether I am allowed to buy the tickets. Yet as ready for June graduation as I am, college is a daunting hurdle in the distance. I keep getting those calls from admissions reps asking whether I am still considering their school and whether or not I have any questions (like I keep a list of questions handy for their 7pm phone calls). I am cordial and reassuring and then hang up, jump on the computer, and freak out about distance, grades, MONEY, and the likes.
I've meant to write to people. I really have. I cleaned my room, and it's staying that way so that as soon as these books are read I CAN write. Fred should be with Shannon right now, but gracious it kills me not to have him next to me each night. He is such a comfort. A comfort that's getting packed with care in a box soon.
Recap: This summer I fell in love, with an idea more or less. But there's hope now. I climbed a mountain. I drank delicious Colombian coffee. I lit too many fires to count and cooked SO MANY hobo packs. I got drenched and numb in the waterfall. I inspired someone. I read aloud from the Bible. I read my Bible everyday. I was organized. I matured. I found my first deer tick. I played with play dough. I blew bubbles. I consoled crying children COUNTLESS times, sometimes late at night. I made crafts. My pinwheels spun in the wind. I slept in wilderness. I slept under the stars. I snuggled/ spooned with my best friends. I cried and lifted my hands in worship. I prayed aloud. I prayed constantly. I fell down. I got back up. I found role models, and people to avoid. I watched adults grow in faith when I always thought that they were at their limit. I've learned that if you open yourself to Him, God will make your cup runneth over.
I had so many plans for this summer, and I let them fly out the window, on Norbert's tail. I'm gonna cling to childhood while I grow up, because without it who am I?
Tonight I have been fretting. Even though my relationship with Christ is stronger than ever, will I fit in at a Christian college. I wish Mikaela and Shannon and Dan were here with me to have a deep conversation, because I want to know what their experiences have been. I'm scared of leaving but all I want to do is run. On top of that I don't know how to handle this stalker camper issue Colin is having, and he keeps coming to me. Which I appreciate because it means someone thinks I give good advice, but I pray that I'm not giving him the wrong advice.
I still miss my dad. A lot. and he's really great friends with this terrible influence my brother knows. He's abandoned me and found new friends and family to care about. I wish he could see that I want him to call. or give a crap. or write. or give a damn.
My mom is so funny; she thinks I should start a video blog on youtube. No one wants to see that! hahaha I'm only good at being funny off camera.
Chattanooga has an ice cream shop that serves Cantaloupe ice cream. Definitely going on my pros list.
I'm ridin' solo. and I throw my hands up in the air sometimes, sayin' ayeooo gotta let go.
Also, I watched the movie Penelope last night and cried almost the whole time. I love her, and her room, and James McAvoy. and yeah. speechless.
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