I had an amazing time at my great aunt and uncle's house last night. Wore the cutest outfit, had the most amazing chicken pie ever, and heard some funny stories. Here's the rundown:
1. We are in the car on the way over and there is a song playing about taking a ride "on my big green tractor", which I forget the title of. Watch it be obvious. Anyway, my Granny here's the line and says, "He must have a John Deere! You know, they come in all kinds of sizes." It just struck me as really hilarious because it implied that they come in sizes like big, small, itty bitty.
2. At dinner Uncle Bob says, "If I had a wide enough smile, I'd look like a snaggletooth mule." Aunt Sarah and I were dying, almost choked on our chicken pie.
3. Uncle Bob then proceeded to tell us the dream he had last night. He was working in a tobacco plant and the workers were not mixing it the proper way, moving it to the wrong locations and such. So the boss told him to make sure with whatever means necessary they did their job correctly. Riding in on his horse he was assaulted with conductor's batons that they were shooting at him out of rifles and shotguns of every type. The worst part he said was "The majority of them hit me in the bum and those buggers sting."
4. Uncle Romas is amazing. He goes looking around in the fridge before dinner while we are all talking at the kitchen table and comes over to me with a bowl. Full of homemade chocolate icing! Where else but Salisbury could I get a bowl of dessert before dinner? Then after dinner we had brownies with coffee ice cream, homemade chocolate syrup, whipped cream and a cherry. ahhhh
So today I was in a grand mood and now I am not, because I am masochistic. I am still friends with my father on facebook, I guess for selfish reasons and because as much as I can convince others, I am not ready to let go. We used to go to Rehobeth every year and get Old Time photos. We even have one in their browsing albums. They were a Robert, Sam, and Dad personal memory. This week my brother is there, but of course I'm not, he kicked me out...I'll tell you more if you want to know. And his girlfriend, her two daughters, sister, and her parents are also there. Guess he can just be happy with his new family. Blood must not matter. His status this morning read, "Off to the beach for the day! Old time photos anyone???" I wanted so bad to ignore the obviously pointed comment, but like I said, I am a masochist and I didn't. I commented, "I can't believe you have the nerve to do those without me. thanks "DAD" " Stupid Samantha. He doesn't even care so why bother. It's things like this that drag me back into that black hole of pity, regret, loneliness, and hatred. I don't want to have those emotions and so I don't cry about it, I don't complain, I am open with what I did wrong and forgive him for how he hurt me, but I can't escape the memory or longing for a father daughter bond. He won't even talk to me and I guess it's so easy for him to erase.
So Bree, I am encouraged by your attempting to find yourself. I need to purge things from my life too, horrible unrefferable cravings, hate and dismay. I have tried countless times, but I am DOING IT THIS TIME. At least getting rid of one thing that is destroying me. I can't afford to fall again.