Picture Mail

Dad:

Mom:


Laura:

Lloyd:


Dylan:


Brittany: This was me before I found you.

Also, update on Grammie. She got released from the hospital and taken back to the Assisted Living home she lives at. But thank you for your prayers, keep them coming.
So much on my mind to write about, but it's way too late tonight.

The Battle Rages On

Grammie had a seizure this morning.
I went to visit her last night with my mom and we knew she was worse than usual.
I couldn't stop crying when I got into the car. and now I can't stop, sitting in my room.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths” Proverbs 3:5-6
I'm trying.

An Education

Headmistress: Nobody does anything worth doing without a degree.
Jenny: Nobody does anything worth doing WITH a degree. No woman anyway.
Headmistress: So what I do isn't worth doing? Or what Miss Stubbs does, or Mrs. Wilson, or any of us here? Because none of us would be here without a degree. You do realize that, don't you? And yes, of course studying is hard and boring...
Jenny: Boring!
Headmistress: I'm sorry?
Jenny: Studying is hard and boring. Teaching is hard and boring. So, what you're telling me is to be bored, and then bored, and finally bored again, but this time for the rest of my life? This whole stupid country is bored! There's no life in it, or color, or fun! It's probably just as well the Russians are going to drop a nuclear bomb on us any day now. So my choice is to do something hard and boring, or to marry my... Jew, and go to Paris and Rome and listen to jazz, and read, and eat good food in nice restaurants, and have fun! It's not enough to educate us anymore Ms. Walters. You've got to tell us why you're doing it.

Indulgences/Philosophy

"You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded"

Recently, I've been having a lot of bad days. The ones that just leave a bad taste in your mouth. And today on my drive home from school and the Doctor's office, I was thinking about how days change, and moods come and go. I realized that lately whenever I'm upset I indulge. The day I came home from a summer at camp, I bought myself a dress I will probably never wear but fell in love with. On Sunday I bought things at the Harvest Moon Festival, thinking they might help ease me into the long haul before the marking period ends. I had Taco Bell for dinner last night because I felt like I had been good about organization that day. Today was terribly upsetting and I was mopey, etc. So on the way to my appointment I stopped at Happy Harry's and bought Arizona iced tea and the 25th Anniversary edition of ELLE magazine (trash magazines are great for bad days). Sitting in the car, travelling through rush hour traffic, I had my radio up super loud with the bass on all the way. At Happy Harry's I checked out with this ordinary looking guy named Derrick. There was nothing particularly special about him. But I was worried what opinion he would form about me in my Navy uniform, buying fashion mags and tea. He gave me a military discount. I told him that he made my day. He did. So being the abstract thinker I am, I started contemplating those things that make us happy in life. Pick-me-ups. Given a rotten mood, we turn to material items believing they might make us feel better. But sadness and frustration are mental, so therefore it seems reasonable to conclude that material things are only gateways to thoughts about life, which then make us happy or stay stagnant. I love watching people. They fascinate me. Today I pondered whether the red Toms or Hogwarts backpack I saw on 2 UD girls were their indulgences, and had made them happy today, like seeing them had for me. What do people notice about me that makes them smile, is their pick-me-up? So I guess the point of writing this all down is to say that, when days are bad, we SEARCH for something good. Just the same as when we don't like something/someone, there is ALWAYS something good we can find in them, even if it takes coaxing. Perception is an interesting concept, that I believe ties in directly with indulgence.
What have you indulged in lately?


Here's me:
-listening to grooveshark before school
-Doritos
-Tea and magazine
-turning the bass up on my radio
-Facebook/blogs I read regularly
-watching Glee on Hulu
-BBW Butterfly Flower perfume
-Lg. Orange Julius
-extra nachos
-afternoon snacks

Indulgence can be bad too. It can lead to routines, expenses, solitude, and creating enemies. You can probably think of your own examples. So while these simple things make me happy, sometimes I HAVE to pull myself away from them. Let me explain. Sometimes, you need just one thing to make you smile. The other day, it was bringing home a carton of fresh strawberries. But when that thing ceases to be pleasing, you fall back into the same patterns and sometimes it's detrimental to you knowing that you spent money, time, etc. on something that rots in the end. Life is moldy strawberries.

But Glee reminded me today,
God never makes mistakes. That's what I believe.

She's pretty and she's nice

Last night was homecoming. It was awkward being greeted by almost all of Sean's family. But he looked nice, and we matched. It was cute. After I loosened up a bit the dance was pretty good too. Sean and I danced together for only maybe 3 songs. Mostly I danced with my girlfriends. Brittany looked gorgeous and she and I learned how to dougie from Lloyd. I also did the shopping cart. Then the drama started and I'm pretty sure Dylan thinks I stole his date, when in all actuality, she just didn't want to dance with him. She found another guy (and she's not from our school). Come on, put some clues together honey. We went to Denny's at 11 and took up basically half the restaurant. A cop even came to monitor. Connor and I shared nachos, and I scored Lloyd's nachos when he left. Then Sean drove me home and I fell asleep at about 2am. Whew
Today was the Harvest Moon Festival at Coverdale Farms. It was cold and windy, but at times, the perfect autumn day. I was in charge of making "Chicken Sun Visors" with kids. It was basically a glue stick craft where they glued on a beak, cock's comb, and 2 eyes, and then colored them. They were pretty adorable, if not a pain to make in the wind. After my volunteer shift I walked around and bought some fresh strawberries (3.95), a loaf of Mushroom Swiss bread (6.75), and 6 honey straws (1.00). These are part of my favorite things about autumn!

Tonight I'm going to The Melting Pot with Ben and his family for his birthday dinner. Whoa, expensive! I've never been invited to a dinner like that. eeek.

A Selection

Some of my favorite parts of my failed NANOWRIMO attempt last year:
First paragraph:
The Technicolor on the screen was displeasing to her and in all of her life this was the first time that feeling had ever taken root in her heart. She was tired, and the bags under her eyes only glorified more so the zombie-like existence she had become accustomed to as of late. As Frank Sinatra danced across her vision singing about Dolls and wearing a red carnation on his suit jacket, she felt tenderly the ridges covering her scalp; the scarred ridges that had taken the place of once silky reddish golden hair. They came from the stitches. Dropping her hand suddenly she felt ashamed sitting there with her knees tucked to her chest, the obnoxious polka-dot pajama pants unable to hide her protruding kneecaps. The skin on her hands was paler than usual and the term “day walker” could certainly be utilized by the teasing tongues of high school boys in this instance. Felicity LaHaye was an obvious victim of situational realism. The point in your teenage life where you realize that what you naively wish for isn’t always and probably shouldn’t be the planned direction of your own life. Her 11:11pm wish that day was indeed quite simple.
And so on:
On the TV screen in her darkened living room Marlon Brando and Jean Simmons were locked in a kiss so passionate it caught her attention back from that horrific memory. She wanted to vomit. She hated that she hated this scene now, when she used to fantasize about it in study hall all the time. Now all she wanted was for Marlon Brando to fall into the fountain and for the bells to give them both migraines. Felicity grabbed the package of golden Oreos next to her and the container of Nutella from the coffee table in front of her. As she moved, the muscles in her back ached and she groaned. These groans made her feel even more like the living dead.
...
“Where’s the Mountain Dew?” Dylan always made his grand entrance with an announcement about food. He was predictable too. Seeing it sitting on my bookshelf he grabbed the 2 liter and started to chug. “Hey leave some for me mister!”
...
Sitting back down on his chair while already drinking from his glass his eyes smiled at me over the rim and I felt warmer. In the entire world there could not possibly be one like my baby brother. His idiosyncrasies could be the bane of my existence one day and then the next they’d be all that kept me going. Throughout this entire ordeal he’d been right by my side. And I hoped that he never felt any regrets for driving us home that day. He’s my warrior. Yes a warrior that may sometimes decide argyle is the manliest pattern, that the Arkansas Chuggabug should have won the Wacky Races by default coolness, and that Canadian Mounties had excellent uniforms, but still a warrior with superb taste. I would never blame him for what happened. We shared the bond of having our ribs broken at the same time. That’s deep love.

A letter. A true letter

Dear Claire,

'What' and ‘if’ two words as nonthreatening
as words come. But put
them together side-by-side and they
have the power to haunt you for the
rest of your life: ‘What if?'...

I don't know how your story ended.
But I know that if what you felt
then was love - true love - then
it's never too late. If it was true
then it why wouldn't it be true
now? You need only the courage to
follow your heart...

I don't know what a love like that
feels like... a love to leave loved
ones for, a love to cross oceans
for... but I'd like to believe if I
ever felt it. I'd have the courage
to seize it. I hope you had the
courage to seize it, Claire. And if
you didn't, I hope one day that you
will.

All my love,
Juliet

DKS

I kind of think I want him back. I never stopped loving him.
But that'd probably be a mistake for both of us.
So I'll just sit and watch a sappy movie, cry if the tears come out (they always do) and imagine his hand in mine. His eyes smiling at me. His heartbeat.
DKS, I miss you. But most of all I hate that you get me.
"Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fallout
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand."

Today as I was driving to meet up with all the re-enactors at Perkins on Kirkwood Hwy I hit a squirrel. I was driving along, 35MPH and out of nowhere jumps this squirrel from the left side of the road. He zigged and zagged and I swerved so that my front didn't hit him. But then I heard a thud, looked in my rear view mirror and saw this gray furry squirrel army crawling to the edge, slowly, agonizingly. My back tire must have hit his back legs. And I'd like to take a moment to comment on the heroic nature of squirrels. Everyday, for some reason these creatures play constant games of extreme Frogger. However, unlike the much loved video game, the stakes are much higher. When they are hit, they crawl with their last ounce of strength. An attempt to push forward. That's what I like about squirrels...they're always going. A mile or two from where I hit the poor squirrel, I saw the carcass of another. Rigor Mortis had already set in and he was lying on his back with his arms in the air. An appeal, a dramatic frozen image of his last breath. I can picture his crawl, to the double yellow line, being unable to move on, rolling over and drawing his last breath, with a cry to heaven. Needless to say, this is what runs through my head as I drive along alone in the car. This isn't at all to say that I have any opinions on the animal soul debate, because I don't. But, I usually attribute human qualities to animals, because I feel like in a basic sense, they live and die the same as us. It's important to examine the world through different eyes and draw from other perspectives than your own.
On another note, today was the Battle of Brandywine reenactment. It was an awesome battle....the cannon fire and musket volleys were exceptional. Mr. Giansanti also tried to sell the girls to a German soldier as the British line over took that of the Continental. When I got out of the car this morning and gazed over the fields of the park we were at, rolling with hills and the tree line dotted with early fall changes, I breathed in deeply the scent of autumn. It was gorgeous (and that word hardly does this scene justice.) It drizzled/fully rained for a lot of the day, but we stole the boy's Regimental wool coats to stay warm and it was nice. We shopped around in the sutlers and became thoroughly disheartened at the prices, but were enjoying ourselves. This reenactment was the biggest one I have been to (soldier wise). There were Native American reenactors painted red all over, a brilliant calvary for both sides that fought with swords, and at least 5 cannons. The smoke rings were so cool!

Thoughts

"I like making images that from a distance seem kind of seductive, colorful, luscious and engaging, and then you realize what you're looking at is something totally opposite. It seems boring to me to pursue the typical idea of beauty, because that is the easiest and the most obvious way to see the world. It's more challenging to look at the other side." -- Cindy Sherman