Vanessa

I was sitting on my bed painting my nails tonight and I realized something. The polish I slid onto my fingertips was familiar in a way. And I remembered that it's the same color Dylan's mom was wearing a few weeks ago when I talked to her about Hagley. There's a saying: "Boys fall in love with girls who remind them of their moms." I think that's true in this relationship. Mrs. Spence and I both love sweaters and history and cooking and Sound of Music and art and mint green nail polish and being good moms. I think it's funny actually that I never saw this before. I'm this unique mix of my mom (huggable and caring and a sea glass fanatic and faithful) and this woman I want to be. But tonight it just seems funny that Mrs. Spence knew to get me a stocking for Christmas, and bought me a sweater in my second favorite color, and always says hi like I'm meant to be there, with her son. It's quite unintentional, I don't mean to mimick her or be like her, but I'm finding more and more that we share a lot in common.
I haven't written a lot lately because too much has been going on, in my head, in school, blah blah blah excuses excuses. But I turn 18 in a few days, and I need to get it out. I've had my first kiss. I'm in love. And you know what, I'm gorgeous. These are things that have taken me a lifetime (literally) to be ok with. My dad wrote me an email on Christmas Eve and its lack of the phrase "I love you" really struck something in me. No matter how angry or hurt I get in my life, one thing I know I will always be able to do is love, and express my love. I want to go to college next year and work my butt off, stay with this boy who drives me crazy, and see where God takes me. I want to set up Advent candles in my house like the Spences and cook crab cakes for Girl Scout meetings. I want a hearth and a home, and tablecloths for different seasons.
If I'm certain of one thing, it's that I'm going to be a great mom. Because I want to be. I want to be a good mom and wife, and lady more than anything else. So I guess this is thanks to the women in my life who I tend to shadow. Mom, Mrs. Spence, Grammy, and GB. Laura, Alicia, Brittany, and Chloe. I love you. <3
Alicia and Mom threw me a surprise party tonight and I wore Laura's spoon ring, my GB's "B" pin, the necklace picture of Grammy, and my mom's gold earrings. I felt like I had all this beauty and energy and nurturing surrounding me. I guess Proverbs 31 really isn't unattainable after all.